maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
