The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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