First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
