my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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