Four minutes until I can fart!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
