JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
