Got a toothbrush?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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