My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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