It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
