I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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