mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
