Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
