i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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