Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
