You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
