we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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