I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
