Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
