The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
