i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I made him laugh his dick is mine
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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