I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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