Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
