Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
