R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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