Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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