I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
