You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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