dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
