you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
