Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
