U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
