I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
