I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
the raccoons are back...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
