it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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