Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
