we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
