I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
