Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
