Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
