my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
