Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
