just come out here and I will go home with you...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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