i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
