I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
