Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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