ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
