So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
