i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
