Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
