i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
