awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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