Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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