for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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