Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
