So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
