I'm really into asian looking animals
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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