My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
