Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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