Got a toothbrush?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
