if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My ass is underappreciated
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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