somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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