Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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