im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
