Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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