My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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