and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
