Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
