He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
