Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
