Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
