Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
