I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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