I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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