oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
