I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
