I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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