are you so shy because you have an std?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
