I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
