Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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