You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
