So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have already put on my inside pants.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize