we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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