You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
PANTIES FOUND
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
