miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
