Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why didn't you poke me back
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
