I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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