I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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