You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
