I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
